Alcoholism and the Family

" doctor David mark. Alcoholism is that devastating disease to anyone who suffers from a but it also can take it terrible -- families and ball today we'll be talking about the difficulties Stanley's face when a loved one suffers from alcoholism in what they can do to help. Joining me here to experts. Doctor Carol -- an addiction psychiatrist at Cornell University medical college New York presbyterian hospital. And doctor Richard Rosenthal he chief of the division substance abuse at Beth Israel hospital in New York. He's also president elect of the American academy of -- country welcome both of you. So tell me what kind of an impact this really has apparently how bad does it."

" Well there -- those -- alcoholism a family disease. It -- it's a large devastating impact on the family is the one closest to the alcoholic and it affects. Practically every aspect of family life. It can affect likelihood. People are turning bring in the enough money into the home they can effect on. The ability of the parent to. Interact with their children. If the child is the one with an alcohol problem can totally take over the family's life and that the parents can be preoccupied about trying to get this trial that can't help but there a global problem. In sex sexual function -- sex physical health. On its. Can create to anger fighting. There's a great deal of on domestic violence associated with alcoholism violence in general associated with alcohol -- so you name it that's out of it sounds like a worse for the families that it is true the alcoholic. Absolutely that's a good way of putting it because the alcoholic is out of the alcoholic really isn't aware of what's going on the alcoholic isn't aware of how bad here she was until. Today recover while they're going through it. They're not aware so that is a good point they suffer tremendously. Stanley break up by a --"

" That thing. The relationship killer. You living with some. Alcohol problem -- Often -- terribly stressful. Way to be on this often won the first law and that the stigma. Of of realizing that the person got that your spouse for example has an alcohol problem and try to covered up. And tried to make life and and it becomes socially noticeable social situations the -- this try to cover and make life goes and and and it that it sets -- tremendous. Negative. Perception that in that -- of what they have to deal with how the saudis going to them -- that time they tried to keep fast afloat. And that's what they often pulls an enabler. That all right but by bugging your full of confronting -- bringing it up as an issue. One allows them to. Go lawn and a progressing with the disease and drag the whole town. With him. -- oh let's and you seem that depressed -- In families with. And you see views as physically as well as emotionally abused. Sprouts -- quote people who drink. Alcohol works from the top down person that -- social judgment. Which means that people are more likely to act on polls have alcohol on board what we drink a cocktail -- people more gregarious. And out of socially -- But Clinton in the whole -- We may already be financial problems because people's dysfunction in the -- particular alcoholism. Increased tension to have marital strife. Therefore it is more likely that they -- going to be physical. Violence in the home. And therefore you have -- spouses. People feel very hopeless. And eventually. It blows up and often is that dissolution of the matter."

" About transmitting these destructive behaviors. That the children watching children to grow often and see those behaviors and unfortunately children model what they -- it. In addition to the genetic component --"

" And for the problem. I think and there are organizations. To help children of alcoholics or -- called AC away meetings adult children of alcoholic meetings. There are -- Support group meetings for family. Members of alcoholic -- on. On the translate right about the children they do carry a genetic risk that doesn't mean that there are doomed to have an alcohol problem that they do have an increase. Vulnerability. To alcoholism because of the genetics. -- as well as the behavior that it."

" So if you have all these problems what oldest therapy playing. For the family not an alcoholic let's let's start from. We're county court that that self help side of things in terms of Allen Allen is a very useful community based. Self help organization. We will educate members as -- role. As the you know mother's son -- waterfall other spouse of an alcoholic. What it tries to win support the people -- more clearly that they're not responsible for that disease. Mild addiction and rather than the sixty advertising moral model which sort of rules what people behaving badly or fit people that. Model they is that alcohol and alcoholism is chronic progressive and relapse and illness and it's the responsibility of the person with a character like. Diabetes hypertension it's all that you have those things the responsibilities. Of and to take care. Into. And it moves the sailing under away from that emotionally because there's so much. Emotional. And responsibility that get into it getting that lead to. On the spouses and the rest of the family members of the -- on polluted and an Indian parliament on himself and those -- things and it was often left to clean up the masks and what -- can -- with. Support people like giving them exposure to other people who didn't similar situation. On who have learned how to begin to deal with that how to become detached the -- to how to pull back in a healthy way that they can be. Begin to function themselves in a healthy manner in relationship. To their family member who has an alcohol problem."

" You know I'd like to add to that what's important to bear in mind is that the family is really -- in this terrible. Blind or paradox conflicts. Because on the one hand there are a sect in raged furious. Hurt. By the behaviors of the alcoholic on the other hand they need that alcoholic they rely on them. Either it's a wife or boyfriend or an employer. Rely on that persons who to do their work they need -- can't just throw that her and out the window dismiss them and especially if they have sensitivity to the notion that. That person has the disease. Is well I can't abandon this person just because he's beating me up or not bringing in money. Because he's sick. What I abandon him or her is she or he had cancer so they're really conflict about that how can they help that they -- Should they let the person. Try to get the help on their own. The -- often than in a position where they might be nagging the person begging the person. To try to get help and -- person isn't getting help and there's fight about whether or not the person is going. To get help and that becomes a whole issue that they they struggle with and family members often seek help. A professional that that the professional and tell family how can I get my loved one to be paid differently. -- on helps them recognize the limitations of what they can do on helps them. Find you know helpful realistic thing to do -- also recognize there is a point beyond which. You can't. You can't cure -- and you can't save them. They shouldn't give up on. Exactly that that's the point I want it but they cannot give up on them so it's this very delicate balance paradox of helping. But not getting in the way and loved ones suffer with this tremendously. Because they're different schools of thought about this in act on there are some schools thought to say you're being an enabler. Don't. You're helping them too much by helping them how much you're enabling them to continue to drink specially in the role as an apparent don't give them money because they're getting them on. To go and armed drink but an apparent says. Well my going to let my child's sleep on the street. It's it's extremely painful and don't root who traveled to Europe to balance here. How to go about finding that perfect spot where they should it. Well seeking help is is very either through around on or through. The Stanley seeking some kind of on helped themselves in the form of a counselor or therapist or an addiction professional. Who can help them. -- cope with. The news that."

" What -- tough love some people threaten to end the relationship. Or to go to a therapist what fault that you know full well. All interventions wall."

" When Jesus and Eugene treatments can hum work best and that's that's. When they when they are tailored to the real problem. And one has to be -- are full of using sort of knee jerk responses. And saying well just from out of the house in little movement from so -- come back and straighten up. -- people without works for. Europe that let him reach his own bottom of here and fields which we let the person's life all are. That's so bad they'll realize that the wake up treatment arm I think from harm reduction point of view that's fairly dangerous way to proceed. That that's not sensible. I think. This helped out the happy medium that place in the meeting is not so easy to ascertain. Its not so easy to get -- But I think you have to know you're working with I think it's it's it's not that simple. What might work in certain instance. You know recently Google was boot camps for juvenile offenders on the -- little notification. You know -- and I -- it's well meaning. You know sometimes his regiment patient and harshness. May not be sufficient. Let people do problems -- equivalent -- coming up something that's going to be helping them up drink. What about likely alcohol stop the police. Checked to make sure how much alcohol in the cupboard. I I think that somebody is not excepting that they have a problem. Then checking up on his ruling luckily all helpful because alcohol usually much smarter about being alcoholic than him. That they're going to be able to lease or rent is gonna hide the bottles you know you don't in places that you you won't think. And hatred that that it Qaeda. An accident and they've got to -- their highly motivated. Okay to make sure that got their pipeline to bottle and sometimes exercise in futility in a recipe for frustration. I think that having again. A mortar. Reasonable with them about their drinking and trying to get them in and and harsh non punitive way is probably the best."

" On the other hand I didn't completely. But on the other hand there are times when and threats and what. We call sometimes leverage is helpful. Sometimes all the nice. Discussions and gentle coercion. Doesn't work and their eyes as Erica alluded to there are times when it does work there are times when you do threaten you have to get that point where you threaten someone with the end of the relationship. Or with the law of the job it can help motivate them a little bit further and moral right do want to say one thing about the hitting bottom. Being in treatment against your will is not necessarily. Data are wrong not optimal but they're planning people who get sent to treatment I loved ones. The court there who do get something out of it and do begin road to recovery that's worth throwing in jail."

" I'll throw a piece about. A political contingency management were talking bet they're definitely. Use for it -- again to -- and it's somebody who should be in treatment and so it's a carefully planned. Set of contingencies about what negative. Consequences of war for. Drinking it. And it's done properly can be very useful."

" The bottom line is that families should be involved in the treatment of alcoholic. But they should talk to professionals before they take any -- correct I agree with that. That's right okay Carroll likes Rick Rosenthal thanks for helping us out and thank you for joining us on doctor David mark --"